Coming to terms with divorce can be an extremely difficult, exhausting, and emotionally-draining decision to make. Many couples don’t know what to do when it comes to a serious downfall in their relationship, and the common questions begin to arise; What should we do? Where should we go? Oftentimes, people in relationships still care for each other, but realize they simply don’t belong together. Of course, that doesn’t make it any easier to actually decide on the action of getting divorced.
There are important things to consider, however, before you as a couple reach the ultimate decision of divorce. Some marriages can truly be saved with the right resources and a willingness from both parties involved. On the other hand, unfortunately, some marriages cannot be pieced back together. Typically, a failed marriage will have one or more of the following:
Contempt
Criticism
Defensiveness
If those characteristics of your marriage can be recognized and overcome, then you may want to take more time before considering divorce as your only option. If, however, you do feel that divorce is the right decision, understand that you don’t have to work at it alone.
Some people attend divorce therapy simply to cope with the struggle and begin the overall healing process following the divorce itself. Others come as a couple, usually a couple with children, to learn to deal with how the divorce might affect them. Attending therapy as a couple can make the entire process less painful and go more smoothly for everyone involved, including kids.
What’s most important when it comes to deciding on a divorce is taking the time to truly think things through, whether that means talking with a therapist, or simply working through your own thoughts and feelings for an extended period of time. More often than not, people who have gotten divorced quickly will look back on it and wish they gave themselves a bit more time. Of course, every situation is different, but as a whole, divorce is not something to take lightly, and deciding on divorce should truly be something that you can eventually look back on and be confident in whatever decisions you may have made. Make sure your decision is thoughtful, clear-headed, and the right one for you, personally. Don’t be afraid to see a divorce therapist to help you come to those conclusions by allowing you to open up more to your own thoughts and feelings.
Donna Shanahan, LMFT
Couples Therapy Pasadena, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Specializing in Infidelity, Collaborative Divorce and Divorce Coaching.